Funny Tongue Twisters

These funny tongue twisters are difficult to say and may be a little dirty if you say them wrong.

I slit the sheet - the sheet I slit - and on the slitted sheet I sit.

Try to keep repeating the phrase "Red lorry, yellow lorry"

She sells sea shells on the sea shore ! Six slippery snails, slid slowly seaward.

I'm not a pheasant plucker, I'm a pheasant pluckers son. And I'm only plucking pleasants 'till the pheasant plucker comes.

Silly Simon's sitting in a shoe shine shop. Where he sits he shines, and where he shines he sits.

No Ears

A guy walks in for his interview. The interviewer asks, "Whats the first thing you notice about me?" The guy responds, "Why, You don't have any ears." Interviewer: "Get out! Send in the next guy."

2nd guy walks in for his interview. The interviewer asks, "Whats the first thing you notice about me?" The guy responds, "Why, You don't have any ears." Interviewer: "Get out! Send in the next guy." This guy on the way out says to the 3rd guy "What ever you do, don't say anything about his not having any ears - He'll kick you right out."

3rd guy walks in for his interview. The interviewer asks, "Whats the first thing you notice about me?" The guy looks at the interviewer intently for a few seconds and responds, "Why, you wear contact lenses don't you." The interviewer says, "That's impressive that you're so observant. How could you tell I wear contact lenses?" 3rd guy

"Because you don't have any damn ears to hang glasses on."

Love Story

A Love Story I shall seek and find you.

I shall take you to bed and control you.

I will make you ache, shake and sweat until you grunt and groan.

I will make you beg for mercy.

I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I leave you. And you will be weak for days. All my love,






The Flu hahahahaha :D

Johnny's Heavy Wagon

Little Johnny was going to his faters house one day and he was packing everthing in his room and putting it in his little red wagon.
He was walking to his fathers house with his wagon behind him, when he came to this hill. He started up the hill but was constantly swearing "This God damn thing is so heavy" A priest heard him and came out. "You shouldn't be swearing" said the priest. "God hears you...He is everywhere...He's in the chruch...He's on the sidewalk...He's everywhere"

Then Little Johnny says "Oh is he in my Wagon" The prist replies "Yes Johnny God is in your Wagon" Little Johnny says


"Well tell him to get the hell out and start pulling"

Blonde on Fire

This blonde called 911, screaming "Help me, Help me my house is on fire".

The dispatch said "Mam, please calm down. I need to get some information from you".

Again the blonde yelled "Help me, Help me my house is on fire".

The dispatch said "Mam calm down, How do we get to your house?".



The blonde replied "Duh... In the big red truck".

Americans

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an American.

She asks her students to raise their hands if they were American too.

Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks.

There is, however, one exception. A girl named Kristen has not gone along with the crowd.

The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.

"Because I am not an American."

"Then", asks the teacher, "What are you?"

"I'm a proud Canadian," boasts the little girl.

The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Kristen why she is a Canadian.

"Well, my mom and dad are Canadians, so I'm a Canadian too."

The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"



A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Kristen, "I'd be an American."